Love is not abuse!

Love Is Never HURTFUL; It’s Never About Forgetting Who We Are,

It’s About Exploring Yourself More.

I believe, we had all been born with the great ability to both, give and receive love. One day (especially at very tender age of 15-20) you’ve met somebody; you think that he is your ‘THE ONE’. You start blooming and floating on cloud nine. Life is a breeze till he hit you for not being on time or gone somewhere without telling him or talking to other guys or some other reason which hardly matters. And you’ll attribute the fault to yourself thinking you deserve this and you’ll start apologizing and explaining him the matter. He won’t apologize for hitting you but his act will make you feel like he is regretting for it. Things will be quiet and lovely till he hit you again and then on things will take a turn for worse with cigarette stubs on your body, purplish or yellowish bruises on hand or other parts of body. Whenever he’ll hurt you, he’ll make it up to you and you want to believe that is wasn’t him who did that to you.

In India, dating violence is no more brushed under the carpet.

Why does this happen:

  • Most of the girls think that they are responsible for solving the problems in a relationship. They can even solve it till he doesn’t use physical violence.
  • Some girls think that their boyfriend’s jealousy, obsessiveness or even physical/verbal abuse is ‘ROMANTIC’.
  • Sometimes it’s because of friends. Either your friends are also being abused so you think it’s normal or your friends have boyfriends too so you think it’s necessary to have one.
  • Some of them think they can cure their abusive boyfriends.
  • Most of the girls are so deeply in love that they are afraid of loosing him.

Their could be more reasons for this. Now, the point is why young men do this:-

  • Most of the young men believe that they have the right to control their female partner anyway necessary.
  • Sometimes out of jealousy, obsessiveness or aggressiveness.
  • Sometimes psychology could have been the major factor. Some parents beat/hit their child if they commit a mistake or do not perform the task given to them. They continue doing it even when the child is a teenager so the child starts believing that hitting/beating is valid when someone is wrong from their perspective.
  • Lots of young men believe that they will lose respect in their peer group if they are attentive & supportive towards their girlfriends… etc…etc

Here, what we need to understand is that violence against any human being is always wrong. Violence is never the part of healthy dating relationship. RESPECT is one of the key words necessary in a relationship.

The warning signs of an abusive relationship:

BEGINNING SIGNS:-

  • Slapping, pinching, pulling of hairs, verbal abuse in some tensed atmosphere.
  • He/she checks up on you, insists of knowing where you are all the time and demands that you justify everything you do.
  • He/she puts you down, your thoughts and concern is not important to him/her.
  • He/she tries to control you by yelling or some other means and dictates what you wear.
  • You are forced to choose between him/her and your family/friend.
  • He/she has publicly embarrassed or humiliated you.
  • You’re unable to disagree on the thing you don’t agree or afraid to make him/her angry.
  • He/she touches you in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
  • He/she blames you on everything and acts jealous or possessive and says its sign of love.

SEVERE LEVEL:-

  • Beating or hitting you with hand or some object.
  • He/she blackmail you about revealing your some secret or for some other reason.
  • He/she uses violence against you or against themselves.                                                                                                                (Ex. If you’ll leave then I’ll hurt your family/friends. Or I’ll kill myself… etc.)
  • You’re afraid of your date because they force you to have sex with them and don’t care about consequences of the sexual act and how you feel about it.
  • He/she hurts you psychologically or physically.

Few of the beginning level warning signs are what generally found in many relationships but if it starts growing than it leads to an abusive relationship. It is necessary to draw a thin line between fun and abuse/assault. If you are able to judge these signs at an early stage of relationship then you can save yourself from lot more trouble. Always go for safe dating. Learn how to minimize your risk of becoming a victim before you find yourself in an uncomfortable or threatening situation and always trust your instincts.

Consequences of being in an abusive relationship:

  • Sudden fall in your grades or other activity.
  • You’d love isolation and sudden emotional outburst.
  • Injury scars or bruises on your body.
  • Sometimes a victim might unknowingly be given alcohol or ‘date rape’ drugs like Rohypnol. These drugs and alcohol can make a victim unable to resist assault and causes a type of amnesia so victim is uncertain about what happened. The victim is then left to deal with the trauma. Unfortunately most cases of dating violence are not reported to the police.(source–www.google.com)
  • Teens involved in such violent relationship are most likely to be involved in other risks like alcohol, drugs, attempted suicide and fighting.
  • Wounds and suffering can block your ability to love a trust others and yourself.

Things you can do to fetch yourself out of such relationship:

  • Talk to your teacher, parents or an elder whom you can trust and can get emotional support.
  • In public place with several friends, tell the abuser you no longer wish to see or hear from him/her.
  • Tell them you’ll contact police and you expect no harassment from them.
  • Seek counseling. A professor can help you in regain the trust, faith and support in your own judgment.
  • Contact a health care provider in case of a physical injury.
  • Always remember that you are not alone.
  • You can choose better relationship if you believe that you have a choice and you are a valuable person who deserves to be treated with respect.

Once you are out of such relationship then you’re a stronger person now. You have learned a lesson, you are coming closer to find what you want and you are much wiser and you can help others.Believe that he/she is gone for good; you love yourself and your family.

Nowadays girls aren’t the only victim, young men are also suffering this. If you or someone you know is victim of DATING VIOLENCE then immediately stand for it. Don’t be afraid of anything, it’s never too late. Find a courage to change your or others life. You can forgive the abuser if he/she comes in sorrow or repentance but do not confuse forgiveness with reunion; he/she is likely to do it again.

A small change can make a big difference. You are the only one who can make our world a better place to inhabit. So, don’t be afraid to stand.

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